Strategies for Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a narcissist can turn an already challenging experience into a mind-boggling one. Narcissists are notorious for punishing anyone around them who poses a threat to their ego, their money, their time, or whatever they seek to control, and there’s nothing like a divorce to put them on their guard. 

As narcissists know well, the best defense is an even better offense, which means you must be prepared. With this in mind, consider the following strategies for divorcing a narcissist.

Hire an attorney.   

You may think you know what you’re in for when divorcing a narcissist. But an experienced Alabama divorce attorney will know a narcissist’s tricks of the trade, the ones you probably haven’t thought of yet. 

With a narcissist’s arsenal of tools — gaslighting, lying, manipulation, and bullying — to name just a few of the unsavory tactics they will use to confuse you, make you think you’re crazy, and break you down, you will be at your most vulnerable. Having a skilled Alabama legal professional at your side will help insulate you from the harm your narcissist spouse is trying to cause you.

Plan for the long haul. 

Divorces from narcissists tend not to run smoothly. Typically, the narcissist will do everything in their power to drag out the divorce process, creating problems whenever they can. It’s, therefore, best to be realistic about the time you may have to dedicate to your divorce. 

If your divorce ends up not being as contentious as you anticipated, enjoy the element of surprise, in this case, a pleasant one. The point is not to count on it.  

Seek emotional support.

In preparing for the long haul, build a team of people who can offer you emotional support. These individuals can include family, friends, divorce support groups, a mental health professional, and clergy members. You can call on them whenever you’re feeling anxious, afraid, and frustrated, emotions that are par for the course when divorcing a narcissist.

Practice self-care.

Learning to meditate and use breathwork to keep yourself calm in times of stress can be a game-changer in how well you cope. So can exercising regularly and eating a nutrient-dense diet. When divorcing a narcissist, you will need your strength, so you might as well understand where to find it. 

Unfortunately, a narcissist will have no problem making you feel guilty for taking care of yourself; they may even imply you are lazy. However, when you have the tools to calm yourself and take measures to keep yourself mentally and physically strong, you will be more easily capable of letting their insults and attacks roll off your back. 

Set boundaries. 

True, you may be thinking that setting boundaries is useless because a narcissist won’t have any qualms about violating them. And you’d likely be correct. But those boundaries are for you as much as they are for the narcissist. When you set firm boundaries and enforce them, even if your efforts are ultimately ineffective, you remind yourself what you will and won’t tolerate. 

Learn to control your emotions. 

Learning to control your emotions, most importantly in the presence of your spouse, will serve you well. Narcissists thrive on seeing their opponents display weakness; you don’t want to give them what they want. If you need to get emotional, and there will be many times when you will, do so in the company of those you trust to lean on for support. 

Hire a financial professional.

One of the tactics narcissists like to employ, especially during a divorce, is financial abuse or withholding financial information. Having a financial professional to assist you in managing your finances, especially if you’ve never managed your finances before or your finances are changing from what they were before, can provide you with a sense of security that may have been lacking. 

A financial professional will also help you project what your financial situation will look like post-divorce, helping you to feel optimistic about the future. Gaining control of your life is empowering, something your narcissist spouse is sure to take note of. 

Document everything.

Texts, emails, and notes you write following face-to-face conversations will help you keep track of the moving parts around you and protect you in situations where details don’t add up. Also, be sure to keep track of instances of abuse and all financial transactions. 

The more you record, the more protection you afford yourself. Though documenting all of these interactions can take a lot of time, it is time well spent. 

Hire an Alabama family law attorney for guidance in divorcing a narcissist. 

There’s not much worse than feeling like an unworthy opponent because you are divorcing a narcissist who will stop at nothing to destroy you. But the good news is you don’t have to engage in this battle yourself. An Alabama family lawyer can provide you with the support you need and want to achieve a favorable outcome in your divorce.

At Summit Family Law, our experienced team of Alabama family law attorneys advocates for our clients who are enmeshed in high-conflict divorces from narcissists and can help you navigate yours. With offices conveniently located in Huntsville and Birmingham, we are here to serve you. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.