Common Mistakes Dads Make After Divorce

After going through a divorce and the monumental task of separating your life and finances from your ex and carefully balancing the responsibilities that your family, career, and other aspects of your life demand, you may feel you are now in the clear. 

While this may be true given the likelihood of fewer legal entanglements moving forward, it is still important to note how a dad can make mistakes post-divorce. Below are five of the most common mistakes dads make after divorce and what you can do to avoid them.

Not following the custody agreement.

After fighting tooth and nail in court to have custody of your children, say, every other weekend and for dinner once a week, it only makes sense you actually abide by your agreement and see your kids. However, after divorce, some dads may keep up with the schedule for a little while, but as they adjust to their new life and routine, they may start seeing the kids less and less… until eventually not at all.

Your children love you and need you. Even if you cannot see them as often as you would like, still take every opportunity you can and prioritize them and their needs. Your relationship with your children can remain strong despite living in a separate household. It may even become stronger now that you are away from your ex and the relationship you had with them. 

Not seeing your children when you are supposed to can only breed resentment and inject negative feelings into your relationship, now and when your children are all grown up. The years pass quickly, so you should take advantage of the time you have now. 

Not paying child support on time or at all.

For various reasons, including financial hardship and negligence, some dads do not keep up with their child support payments. Some pay late, and some skip them altogether. This may seem similar in effect to not seeing your children enough or at all, but the difference here is that the court mandates these payments. Falling behind on child support can put you in contempt, which could land you in legal trouble, even jail.

Additionally, it is important to mention that in some states, paying child support directly to your ex may not be legally considered child support, which may result in you paying twice. To avoid this, you may want to consider paying child support through a third party or the state. Moreover, if you cannot afford your current child support agreement, you can file an appeal to have your agreement modified.

Getting remarried too soon.

When you are newly single after a divorce, it may be tempting to jump right into a new relationship, particularly if you enjoyed marriage. However, relationships take time to build and become strong enough to withstand the strains co-parenting children with an ex can create. Too many men want to get to that point quickly and end up remarrying too soon after their divorce and before their partner can appreciate all that comes with a second marriage with children from a first.

Not surprisingly, according to a recent article in Forbes, the divorce rate for second marriages is 67%, much higher than the divorce rate for first marriages (43%) and 73% for third marriages. The implication is the uptick in the divorce rate could at least be partially attributed to getting remarried too soon, which includes the likelihood you don’t know your new spouse as well as you potentially would have had you taken your time. 

Additionally, after a divorce, it is beneficial to spend time alone to get to know yourself outside of a relationship. That includes being a divorced dad.

Not updating life insurance or other assets.

Part of divorce entails dividing assets between you and your ex. That said, some documents, including life insurance, retirement funds, and estate planning documents, sometimes fall through the cracks without getting the immediate update they need. To help ensure your beneficiaries receive your bequests and not your ex and that your ex is not the one responsible for making end-of-life decisions for you, it is best to change any pertinent documents as soon as you finalize your divorce. 

Moreover, you don’t want to have to track down your ex sometime in the future to sell assets if you jointly owned them, such as vehicles or homes. Additionally, you don’t want to assume unnecessary liability by keeping your name on assets designated to be distributed to your spouse post-divorce. Therefore, it is in your best interest to take care of these changes at the time of your divorce or as soon as possible afterward.

Not exercising self-care, including preserving mental health.

Divorce may result in men cutting themselves off from the rest of the world and becoming lonely. This behavior can cause a host of problems for divorced fathers already struggling to cope with their new life, including anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, making matters worse.

Consequently, divorced dads should take steps to prioritize their health and well-being for their sake as well as their children’s. An effective way to do this is to create a network of family, friends, and those similarly situated who can provide support and an outlet to relax and have fun. A mental health professional and clergy can add valuable support, too.  

Whether you derive comfort from family, friends, a licensed professional, a support group, or a religious institution, you need to be able first to face your feelings. That begins with acknowledging that you can leave any mistakes you made in the past — where they belong. 

Find an Alabama family law attorney to guide you after your divorce to avoid common pitfalls for men after divorce. 

The time after divorce for men is often uncharted territory. That means men can be prone to making mistakes that could have lasting effects if they don’t turn to a legal professional to guide them.At Summit Family Law, our team of Alabama family law attorneys understand the common pitfalls for men following a divorce and can help you avoid them. With offices conveniently located in Birmingham and Huntsville, we are here to provide the guidance you need for this next stage in your life. Call us today or schedule a consultation.