Sometimes, a divorce starts or is amicable until the end, only to take an unexpected turn for the worse. Despite getting along initially, divorcing couples can find themselves engaged in what’s often characterized as a high-conflict divorce. A high-conflict divorce can take its toll on the divorce process and the people involved in it — a toll that the entire family will be paying for decades to come if they aren’t proactive now. With this in mind, if your ex is jerking you around, causing your divorce to turn ugly, and you are embroiled in a high-conflict divorce as a result, here are some tips for protecting your kids, finances, and sanity.
Prioritize Your Kids’ Wellbeing
There are many considerations in divorce. However, the one that should concern you the most if you are a parent, the one issue that most other issues touch, at least tangentially, is your children. Even if your children are infants, it’s important to note that studies have shown how babies can sense tension around them. So, do your best not to fight in front of your children or even seethe in front of them. Children of all ages can sense hostility. It can also seem like kids have superhuman hearing, so be cautious about talking negatively about their other parent with them anywhere in the vicinity, or worse, directly to them.
Prioritizing your kids’ well-being can also mean doing your best to co-parent with your ex. Take the high road even if they do not show you the same courtesy and do everything they can to make co-parenting difficult. Yes, taking the high road can be tricky. But you must ask yourself what’s worth fighting over and what isn’t. Little things, like what’s on your children’s plate at dinner time (chicken versus a hot dog), shouldn’t cause a war. Your ex not giving your children dinner or refusing to follow your agreement is, however, another story and something you should bring to the attention of an Alabama divorce lawyer so they can intervene on your behalf.
On another note, children of all ages will need to process the changes going on around them. As attentive as you may be to their needs, it can help to have professional support, such as a child psychologist experienced in counseling children of divorce, for them to speak to. Depending on your family’s dynamic, you may also want to consider family counseling, with or without your children’s other parent present.
Remember that Alabama courts will apply the “best interests of the child” standard to all decision-making. That should begin with you upholding that same standard.
Secure Your Finances
Every couple has its way of doing things. For some, both spouses may be involved in the household finances, while in others, only one may be involved. Some spouses are forthcoming with financial information, while others may be secretive.
Whatever type of household you have been living in, it’s helpful to focus on compiling what information you do have rather than focusing on what you don’t. When you hire an Alabama family law attorney, they will request from your spouse any missing information or access to what they will need to evaluate the financial matters of your case.
It’s helpful to seek guidance from an Alabama divorce attorney early on, as ugly divorces often involve underhandedness in terms of a couple’s finances. Inform an attorney if you suspect your spouse is hiding or depleting assets. However, do not retaliate by doing as they do; there are ways to locate missing assets, assisted by a forensic accountant if necessary, and to legally right such wrongs.
Take Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself begins by accepting what you cannot change. First and foremost, that will be the words and actions of your ex. What you can control is your behavior and how well you treat yourself during what will inevitably be a trying time. Below are a few suggestions for how to practice self-care when involved in a high-conflict divorce.
Rely on technology to communicate.
In addition to text and email, preferably email because it’s not as much of an immediate intrusion, there are divorce apps you can turn to to create a natural buffer between you and your ex. Additionally, when you communicate over technology, you have a written record of your interactions, evidence that could become useful if you seek intervention from a judge.
Don’t let your spouse get to you.
An angry ex, especially one who displays narcissistic behavior, will do their best to manipulate you. Manipulation may be in the form of words or actions. Regardless, as hard as it may be, it should become standard practice not to engage. Then, detail the interaction in your notes, including the date and time of it and any witnesses who may have been present.
Commit to self-care.
If possible, schedule time off from your divorce. Schedule an activity or a time for R & R. The former involves committing to not working on your divorce, talking about your divorce, and, perhaps most challenging, not thinking about your divorce.
Your body and mind must be strong to withstand the rigors of your life right now. You can accomplish this by feeding your mind and body. Nutrient-dense foods, exercise, adequate hydration, and sleep should each be part of your self-care regimen. The same is true of supporting your mental health.
Find an Alabama Family Law attorney to support you in a high-conflict divorce.
High-conflict divorces are part of the reason divorce gets a bad rap. Though they cost more in time, money, and aggravation, a family law attorney with experience negotiating high-conflict divorces can make it so that it’s not all for naught, helping you to walk away with your desired outcomes.
At Summit Family Law, our team of Alabama family law attorneys has the experience necessary to negotiate favorable settlements with even the most unwilling spouses. From mediation to trial, we fiercely advocate for our clients to achieve outcomes that will serve them now and for years afterward as they re-envision their lives post-divorce. Call our Huntsville or Birmingham offices today or schedule a consultation.
