Give a man a problem, and he’ll jump to action to solve it. It’s a great strategy — if he’s building a deck. Not so much if he’s involved in a divorce, and to solve his problems, he must also consider the feelings of others, especially his children. This is why divorce can feel like an emotional minefield to a man; one misstep and whatever he’s just said or done could very well blow up in his face. But if he’s emotionally intelligent, how he fares in that emotional minefield can be very different. Yes, emotional intelligence is a superpower for men in a divorce. Here’s why.
Emotional intelligence can prevent men from making rash decisions during their divorce.
When you have emotional intelligence, a man is more inclined to think through the decisions he makes. Divorce often brings frustration, resentment, and fear, all of which can push a man toward reactive choices that could translate to firing off an angry email, refusing a reasonable settlement, or using the kids as a bargaining tool.
Emotional intelligence enables a man to recognize these emotions as they arise, allowing him to take a step back and respond thoughtfully instead of impulsively. This ability to regulate emotions prevents unnecessary conflict and mistakes that could cost him in more ways than money.
Emotional intelligence can help men keep divorce conversations positive and constructive.
Divorce discussions can escalate fast. However, a man with emotional intelligence can approach these discussions with patience and self-awareness, preventing them from devolving. Specifically, he can make word choices that align with his long-term goals rather than his short-term frustrations.
Whether he’s deciding on financial matters or handling a difficult conversation, emotional intelligence can alert him to the possibility that his initial impulse to respond emotionally may not serve him.
Instead of reacting defensively or aggressively, he can listen, acknowledge his ex’s concerns, and express his thoughts in a way that creates mutual understanding.
Should conversations break down, emotional intelligence can also help identify when to walk away or at least take a breather. Not understanding this is often the point at which things get ugly, and no one wins.
It can help men protect their finances.
Divorce settlements often create financial strain for a man. As a result, his emotions, particularly fear and anger, can cloud his judgment when making decisions about money.
A man who’s emotionally intelligent, however, won’t let anger, guilt, or pride dictate financial choices that could impact his future. Instead of rushing to agree to unfavorable terms out of frustration and wanting to just get out or out of a desire to “win” in the short term, he has the ability to take a step back, assess the implications of his decision-making, and approach negotiations with a level head.
Rash financial decisions often become ones a man regrets. And ones he won’t be able to so easily change once he comes to his senses.
Emotional intelligence can help men co-parent more effectively post-divorce.
Co-parenting after a divorce requires patience, cooperation, and the ability to set personal grievances aside for the sake of the children. Emotional intelligence makes this easier by helping a man manage his emotions and communicate with his ex in a way that minimizes conflict. Instead of reacting to provocations or holding onto resentment, he can focus on his children’s well-being, even if she isn’t.
Emotional intelligence also allows a man to recognize and validate his children’s emotions, providing them with the reassurance they will need during a difficult time and even when times are good. Being able to maintain calm discussions, respect the boundaries of his ex and kids, and make decisions based on what’s in the children’s best interests creates a healthier co-parenting relationship.
Over time, this approach not only benefits the children but also makes interactions with the ex more manageable. A man who leads with emotional intelligence in co-parenting sets the stage for a more stable and supportive environment for the entire family.
It can help create a healthier post-divorce identity for men.
Divorce can rattle a man’s sense of self. This is especially true if much of his identity during his marriage was tied to him being a husband or provider. The benefit of having emotional intelligence in this situation is that it can help him process changes in his life without allowing them to define his worth. Instead of dwelling on resentment or failure, he can do the following:
- See his emotions for what they are,
- Understand they are temporary,
- Recognize he has the power to change how he feels,
- Grow from the experience, and
- Move forward in his life with intention.
Emotional intelligence also gives him the opportunity to build healthier relationships, including romantic relationships post-divorce, by recognizing unhealthy patterns, setting clearer boundaries, and communicating more effectively than he might have in the past when he was married to his ex.
Rather than jumping into another relationship because he’s feeling lonely or is feeling bad about himself, he can take the time to understand what he wants based on who he is now. Such self-awareness can lead to a stronger and more appealing post-divorce identity. By managing emotions in a way that promotes growth rather than destruction of himself and everything around him, a man with emotional intelligence can emerge from divorce not just intact but also confident and ready to embrace life on his own terms.
