The time after divorce can be confusing. While you may have been spending a lot of your time consumed by the Alabama divorce process, much of that chaos disappears once you settle your divorce. What’s left is space to redefine your life, beginning by turning the fresh start you have into your best start yet. Not sure how to begin? Here are a few actionable steps you can take.   Â
Embrace Change
Your mindset will become a factor in how well you fare in your post-divorce journey. When you look at life through a lens of loss, that’s exactly what you will see. Yes, your life may look different now: you may live in a new home, you may not see your children as often or at the precise moment you would like due to your custody arrangement, and you may have additional monetary obligations. Depending on your mindset, those changes can appear as losses.
However, when you look at your life through the lens of new opportunities, the picture can seem much different: You like your new home more (whether it’s cozier, less expensive to maintain, or closer to work), you have more free time because you’re not with your kids every moment and can focus on yourself, and your additional monetary obligations and need for more money is the reason you decided to start a business and become your own boss.
There’s no denying that losing the life you are familiar with and fear of the unknown is real. However, when you face those fears head-on because you have to, the surprise is usually not something that scares you but, instead, how strong and resilient you actually are. With this in mind, embrace the changes in your life rather than resist them.
Cultivate Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is something you can learn. So, if reading the room was never your strong suit, it’s not too late to make it yours. Emotional intelligence is important because it will help you in your interactions with others, which will become particularly important if you and your ex are co-parenting.
It will also help you parent as a single parent. Just as divorce has impacted your life, so has it for your children. It helps to have the inclination and capacity to notice these changes.
One of the best ways to cultivate emotional intelligence is to recognize your emotions and not judge them. Journaling and mindfulness exercises can help you become more aware of your feelings. The next step is learning how to regulate your emotions and reactions at any given moment. Setting boundaries to protect yourself and avoid unnecessarily challenging situations is an effective strategy.
The more steady your reactions are, the more thoughtful you will be and, likely, the less controversy you will encounter. It helps to understand where the person you’re interacting with is coming from. This is what it means to be empathetic. The result is that your communication skills usually improve since you are better able to address the other person’s feelings and needs.
You can also practice empathy for yourself. Set aside time to explore why you may act and feel as you do, and then cut yourself a break — that is, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is a learning process. Then, if the situation calls for it, work harder to improve. Remember that self-compassion is the foundation on which personal growth can occur.
Set New Goals for Your Life After Divorce
Throughout life, goals can change. When you were first married, your goal may have been to live in a certain neighborhood or drive a particular car. However, with time and experience, which includes your divorce experience, comes perspective, and what may have been important to you once may no longer be. But then, what is important to you?
Well, that’s for you to find out. So, take time to identify what matters to you now. Are you enjoying your career, and is it still working for you financially? Do you have creative outlets you’d like to explore? Could your relationships with family or friends benefit from some extra attention? Based on your answers, put pen to paper and write down some goals for yourself.
Next, come up with an action plan to achieve them. Keep in mind that while it’s commendable to have big goals, setting incremental goals to reach on the road to your end goals can help you to achieve them. Small wins have their place, too, so don’t be shy about celebrating those, as they can be an integral part of larger transformations.
Redefine Existing Relationships
Relationships, particularly those with your ex and perhaps their family, may have changed as a result of your divorce. If you are co-parenting, it can be beneficial to redefine those existing relationships so they support your life and your children’s lives as they are today.
Though you don’t need to be friends with your ex, it is helpful to keep interactions cordial for the good of your children’s relationships with their other parent, grandparents, and extended family. Your relationship with these individuals need not be the same as your children’s.
Switching gears for a moment, think about how your friendships or presence in your former social circles may have changed from when you were married or changed during your divorce. If you are so inclined, try to rebuild those friendships and re-engage with your community.
In addition, extend your reach, opening yourself up to new friends for this new stage of life. Joining singles groups or attending singles events can help. This is also an effective way to reignite your romantic life, begin dating again if that appeals to you, and maybe one day remarry.
Prioritize Self-Care in Light of Your Divorce
Divorce can be damaging and leave behind emotional wounds that require healing. Such wounds can create physical wounds to your health. These, too, need attending.
To begin the healing process, establish routines to support your well-being. These can include exercise, healthy eating, and rest. You can also express self-care by prioritizing self-discovery, which you may have put on the back burner due to being in a marriage that didn’t serve your needs and going through a divorce that monopolized your time. With those distractions gone or lessened, focus on yourself.
Move Forward to Create a Life You Love Following Divorce
When you put all these puzzle pieces in place, you will inevitably find yourself moving forward, hopefully, to create a life you love. Hopefully, because this now depends on you. Side note: This applies to anyone at any age who’s gone through a divorce, even a gray divorce.
There is a caveat: Creating a life you love won’t happen overnight. But you can find what you’re looking for by being intentional with your actions, doing the work, measuring your progress, learning from your mistakes, and celebrating your wins. This is the definition of resilience, something you already are by virtue of having come out the other side of your divorce. The only thing you need to do now is harness the strength you have and leverage it.
Find an Alabama family law attorney to help you turn a fresh start after divorce into your best start.
At Summit Family Law, we care as much about how our clients fare during divorce as we do how they fare after. While representing you and helping you achieve the outcomes you desire in your divorce, we position you for success in the life you will lead for decades to come.
We work closely with financial professionals, relocation specialists, and coaches in various areas to help you figure out how you want to redefine your life and live in that reality. Call us at our Huntsville or Birmingham offices or schedule a consultation to learn more.
