The Challenges of a Gray Divorce and How to Overcome Them

A “gray divorce” refers to divorces among older couples. According to research from 2022, 36% of adults in the U.S. getting divorced were over 50. Though divorce at any age can present issues, divorcing later in life raises unique challenges. If you’re contemplating a divorce at this stage of life in Alabama, it’s crucial not only to understand these challenges but also to know how to overcome them. Read on. 

Your financial security may be disrupted.

If you’ve been married for decades, you and your spouse have probably shared finances in many aspects, from your paycheck(s) to your assets. You may have also depended on your spouse for financial support if you were a non-earning or lower-earning spouse.  

After decades of integrating finances, dividing assets and income sources can be tricky. Since the goal in a divorce in Alabama is for both parties to emerge financially stable, especially as they prepare to enter retirement, finding a family law attorney, a financial advisor, and potentially a forensic accountant to address how best to divide assets, including retirement funds, pensions, and deferred compensation is a wise course of action. 

Your ability to collect social security and health benefits may be impacted. 

Divorce can affect Social Security and health benefits, something an Alabama family law attorney must also consider carefully in your settlement. Depending on your specific situation, you may be entitled to collect Social Security based on your spouse’s work history, or they may be on yours. 

Whether you collect on your spouse’s social security will not affect their ability to collect their full amount. However, the age you decide to collect will affect how much taxable income you receive. It’s thus important to consult an Alabama family law attorney to help you devise a budget during and after your divorce.       

As for health benefits, if you were on your spouse’s health plan through their employer, you may be removed from that plan during or after your divorce is finalized. Self-insuring can be expensive, and if you are not 65 years of age and eligible to receive Medicare or qualify for Medicaid, you will need to account for this expense in your post-divorce budget. 

You or your ex may be facing health issues. 

As people age, they tend to face health issues or, at minimum, require more preventative care. These realities can impact the divorce settlement in numerous ways. One partner may need more care, the extra cost of which could affect asset division or alimony payments. The same can be said if you or your spouse cannot work due to health complications. Similarly, pre-existing conditions often create difficulty when searching for a new insurer or mean that coverage will be costly.  

Your emotions may run high during a gray divorce. 

A divorce later in life can trigger a range of emotions, from sadness, loneliness, fear, and shame to excitement, relief, and mania. While all these feelings are normal and can change from moment to moment, not letting any particular one overtake you is critical to maintaining your health and well-being. 

Building or leaning on others for support during this transitional time can prove beneficial. Among the members of your cheering squad should be positive-minded friends and family, an Alabama family law attorney, a certified divorce financial planner, a mental health professional, and clergy. Everyone will serve a purpose, helping you to make clear decisions during a highly emotional time.

Your relationship with your children and extended family may be affected. 

Young children are not the only ones to feel the sting of their parents’ divorce. Older children can also react strongly to a gray divorce, not always by being positive or supportive. Again, repairing hurt feelings and dealing with the emotional fallout from your family due to your changing situation can take time. Your support system will become a lifeline, so consider putting it in place before making significant life changes.  

Your retirement savings may take a hit. 

Divorcing after decades with your spouse can put a monkey wrench into retirement plans. For example, your pooled retirement assets may have allowed you to retire at a certain age, but now that you face equitable division, it could mean you have to put off retirement until later. 

On another note, if you were never in charge of managing your retirement assets, you should now consider getting up to speed on investing or hiring someone to help you. This is where your attorney’s referral network will be valuable to you and why you should hire a family lawyer with deep roots in Alabama. 

Your estate plan may need updating in light of your impending gray divorce and again once it’s finalized. 

During and again after your divorce, you should examine your existing will, any trusts you may have created, and all of your beneficiary designations to see what you can and cannot change. Depending on what is in question, you may be able to make changes during the divorce process, while for others, you will have to wait until afterward. 

Consider, for example, who you would want to make end-of-life decisions for you should you become incapacitated. In most situations, spouses name each other as this person. Given your impending divorce, however, you may no longer want to give your spouse such power. On the other hand, if you are still legally married and own assets jointly with your spouse, you won’t be able to change the beneficiary designation of those assets until after you are divorced. For questions, always consult an attorney. 

Find an Alabama family law attorney to support you through a gray divorce. 

Going through a gray divorce may not have been your plan when you first married your spouse, but plans can change. A better plan for today is to have the assistance of an Alabama family law attorney to guide you in dealing with the unique challenges you may face at this stage of life. 

At Summit Family Law, our team of empathetic Alabama family law attorneys understands the complexities involved in a gray divorce and can help with the specifics of your situation. Contact us today or schedule a consultation.