“Gary”, a 62-year-old male, reflects on his evolution over the past 22 years since divorcing. At the time of his divorce, Gary’s children were 9 and 4 years old. As you will read, Gary’s story is one of resilience, self-discovery, and the importance of staying true to what matters most.
What was the most challenging part of adjusting to life after your divorce, and what did you learn about yourself in the process?
The most challenging part was maintaining relationships with my children, which I was successful in doing. At the time of my divorce, I also had a financial burden to deal with — I walked away from everything, including a $300,000 house and cars. I didn’t get a lawyer and just gave everything to my wife, which made it a lot harder to get back on my feet. If I could rewrite history, I would’ve hired counsel.
How did your perspective on relationships and personal growth change after your divorce?
My perspective on relationships didn’t change much. I believe that if you find the right person, your perspective doesn’t need to change. I wanted to find someone I could trust and who could trust me. As for personal growth, I realized that I should’ve stood my ground more. I felt mentally beaten down after the divorce and even wondered if everything was my fault, but eventually, I realized that I wasn’t crazy and had never been in a true partnership.
What were the most significant financial challenges you faced during and after the divorce, and how did you handle them?
The biggest financial challenge I faced was changing jobs and losing income. I went from making six figures down to $70,000. I made sacrifices like not buying a new car, skipping vacations, and living in an apartment that wasn’t so nice, but I made sure my kids’ lifestyle didn’t change and that I could make my child support payments.
How did your daily routine, living situation, and social life change post-divorce?
I got back the friends I had lost during my marriage. When I told them I was getting a divorce, they all said it was about time! I was able to be myself again, have fun, and not feel stressed out, worried, or falsely accused. My social life definitely improved.
What advice would you give someone newly divorced and trying to adjust emotionally and practically?
I’d say don’t blame yourself. Realize you’re not necessarily in the wrong. Take responsibility for your part in the relationship, but don’t carry guilt all the time. It’s not all on you — most of the time, it’s both people’s fault.
How has your approach to relationships, dating, and family dynamics changed since the divorce, especially regarding co-parenting?
Co-parenting was easy for me. I always tried to do what I thought was best for the kids, and so did my ex wife. We had a standard custody arrangement, and I never fought for Christmas Eve or anything like that. I believed the kids should wake up in their own beds. It’s about doing what’s best for them.
What role has therapy, self-care, or personal growth played in your life since the divorce?
I didn’t go to therapy, but personal growth played a huge role in my life after the divorce. I learned a lot about myself, looked at everything for what it was, and realized that the problems weren’t about other people. I figured out what I wanted, what I stood for, and what I wouldn’t tolerate.
Looking back, is there anything you would have done differently, and what is the most important lesson you’ve learned through the experience?
Looking back, I wish I had gotten a lawyer and handled everything a lot quicker. I tried to hang onto the kids for about four years by staying in the marriage, which was probably unnecessary. The most important lesson I learned was to take control of my life and not let guilt or indecision hold me back.
*This interview has been edited for clarity.
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Summit Family Law is dedicated to helping men navigate the unique challenges of divorce, guiding them toward stability and a renewed sense of purpose. Understanding the emotional, financial, and personal toll it can take, Charlotte Christian and her team provide practical legal solutions paired with compassionate support. With a focus on resilience and self-discovery, Summit Family Law empowers husbands and fathers to rebuild their lives and create a future following divorce where they feel grounded, fulfilled, and capable of reaching their potential.