My Spouse Just Asked for a Divorce—What Do I Do Now?

Spouse is Asking for a Divorce—What Do I Do?

Knowing what to do if your spouse just asked for a divorce helps protect your best interests, including in matters of property division, child custody, and child visitation. An Alabama divorce lawyer familiar with the process can offer advice, guidance, and representation throughout the process and protect your rights.

If you find yourself in this challenging situation, the following steps can help you protect yourself.

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Do Your Best to Stay Calm

Learning that your spouse wants a divorce can be emotionally taxing, but try to stay calm and avoid making any rash decisions. Remaining composed can help protect yourself in the long run.

Connect With an Alabama Divorce Lawyer as Soon as Possible

It is only normal to want to avoid facing the stressful and emotional feelings that come with divorce for as long as possible. However, you should reach out and discuss the situation with an attorney as soon as possible to best protect yourself. An attorney can explain what you should and should not do during a divorce.

Most Alabama law firms representing individuals in divorce cases provide no-obligation case evaluations. These meetings—over the phone, via video chat, or in-person—allow you to learn about the process, get advice based on your unique situation, and ask questions to address your biggest fears. If you and your spouse reconcile and you do not need a lawyer, that is great news.

Even during initial consultations, attorneys must maintain strict confidentiality. Your spouse or other family members will never know about the meeting unless you tell them.

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Know the Rules You Must Abide by During the Divorce Process

Knowing what Alabama law restricts you from doing during a divorce can help you avoid pitfalls and get the best possible outcome. Things you should not do after separation or before the divorce finalizes include:

Spending or Hiding Marital Funds

In general, the money either party makes during a marriage is marital property. Any purchases or investments also count as marital property. You should not sell, hide, or move any money or assets. You should also avoid making large purchases, if possible.

If you need to purchase a car, rent an apartment, or otherwise spend marital funds, discuss the options with your attorney first. You must do this properly and in a way that will not hurt your case.

Hiding assets or income could cause trouble in court later. Your attorney can fight for your prized collections, inherited items, or alimony. However, if you try to get specific property or cash by keeping it off the list of marital assets, you will have a hard time defending your actions.

Keeping the Children From the Other Parent

Never prevent your children from seeing or talking to their other parent without an order that allows you to do so. Alabama law contends that children need to see both parents and spend quality time with them regularly. A parent who purposely keeps a child or children from the other parent may not get custody during a divorce.

If you have concerns about your child’s safety with the other parent, speak to your attorney immediately. They can offer advice or petition the court to implement a temporary custody and parenting plan. In most cases, the judge will approve temporary orders related to child custody or issue them if there is a dispute.

Judges will consider the child’s stability when making custody arrangements. Sometimes this means the parent with primary physical custody during the divorce proceedings will retain custody, but this is no guarantee. Your attorney should help you develop a case to show your children should be in your home from the outset if this is a priority for you.

Dealing With Other Difficult Circumstances

The specific situation you find yourself in could cause additional concerns. Discuss what you believe you need to do with your lawyer to find an option that will not negatively affect your divorce case later.

You want an attorney with unique experience and knowledge to help you navigate the divorce process if it involves:

• Military divorce
• High-asset divorce
• Divorce for professionals

Fault-based or contested divorces are generally more complex than no-fault or uncontested ones. Having an attorney by your side for any divorce provides many benefits, including answers to your questions and solutions for unique or concerning circumstances.

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Protect Your Rights During the Alabama Divorce Process

Both partners in a marriage have rights. Alabama law ensures that judges consider these rights as couples navigate equitable distribution of assets and debts, joint child custody, shared parenting time, and more. While the court should protect your rights, you can take certain steps in the meantime to protect yourself. Your attorney may provide additional advice on this topic tailored to your circumstances. Some general tips include:

Do Not Vacate the House

If you hope to retain the marital home, do not leave it during your separation and divorce. The judge will likely rule that the party living in the marital home gets to keep it. The children may be more likely to remain in this home, as well. Even if it means living in separate areas of the house with your spouse, remaining in the marital home is a good idea as long as you can do so safely.

Your attorney can explain other considerations and help you weigh your options on this topic. They can also work with you to prioritize your wishes during property division. Keeping the house is a priority for many people, even if only because of the emotional attachment. Your law firm can explain how this could work based on the facts of the case.

Be Careful With Social Media

Many people treat social media as a diary, writing what amounts to journal entries and sharing their most emotional secrets online. Posting on social media is not a good idea for divorce or any other legal case. Avoid mentioning your situation on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and other similar platforms. Do not mention your spouse, especially if you have nothing nice to say.

Also, be aware of what others share and how you interact with others. Some attorneys recommend deactivating social media during a divorce. Almost any type of post you or others make has room for misinterpretation.

Make Good Decisions When It Comes to Your Kids

During a divorce, think through anything your child might experience or witness and ensure you put their best interests first. This emotional, stressful time often leads people to do or say things they might not do under other circumstances.

Do not:

• Speak negatively about the child’s other parent in front of them
• Give them too many details about the divorce
• Discuss the reasons for the divorce with them in a non-age-appropriate way
• Expose them to dates before you sign the divorce papers
• Prevent them from seeing or talking to their other parent without an order of protection
• Do anything that might harm their relationship with their other parent

Your attorney—and the judge if you go to court for temporary custody orders and a parenting plan—can offer additional guidance about ensuring your children’s best interests are the priority during this time. Whether you hope to get primary physical custody or not, you must always do what is best for your children.

What Happens if My Spouse Files for Divorce in Alabama?

When someone files for divorce, the law requires the spouse to receive a copy of the petition and other paperwork within 30 days. This is called service of process. The filing spouse (the plaintiff) cannot serve the receiving spouse (the defendant) without them signing an Acceptance or Waiver of Service. You could do this if you communicate regularly with your partner and agree to the divorce.

In most cases, a process server—frequently a local sheriff’s deputy—serves the paperwork by delivering it to you or your home and reporting to the court that they handled the task. Alabama law also allows delivery of this paperwork by certified mail under some circumstances.

Contact your attorney as soon as possible after the process server delivers your paperwork. Law firms review the complaint and summons with their clients to get a better idea of the next steps.

In the complaint, you should expect to find:

• Grounds for divorce
• Preferences for property division of assets and debts
• Request for alimony or denial of spousal support
• Demands related to child custody and physical parenting time

You and your lawyer have 30 days to respond. Your response will include your answer to each claim and demand in the complaint. When the parties agree on all counts, it is an “uncontested” divorce. Any disagreements make it a “contested” case. The issues involved include:

Property Division

Alabama law calls for equitable distribution of assets and debts in a divorce. Equitable distribution does not mean an even split. Instead, couples split property fairly based on several factors. If you want to keep the house, a certain vehicle, a prized collection, or other items, let your attorney know your preferences and how important they are to you.

Child Custody, Visitation, and Child Support

Alabama law requires the courts to consider joint custody in all cases. Joint custody means most parents have shared decision-making rights for their children’s education, healthcare, religious upbringing, and other important choices. They also generally support the parents sharing physical custody of the children, with each parent getting to see each child frequently.

One parent will provide the primary residence of the child or children. This parent will likely receive child support even if the parents even split physical custody. Child support calculation tables consider the days with each parent, the parents’ incomes, and additional expenses the primary residential parent pays.

Alimony

Long-term alimony is unusual in Alabama, but the laws may allow one spouse to request support until they finish a degree, get a job, or move into their own home. Some individuals can get extended spousal support if they stayed out of the workforce to care for the children or support their spouse in a long-term marriage.

Other Details Unique to the Couple

Some marriages have unique aspects that the spouses must address in their divorce petitions. For example, military divorces have strict rules about how the partners share retirement benefits.

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